solitude - noun - 1. a state of social isolation - 2. the state or situation of being alone - 3. a solitary place
We went to church this morning to discover that our pastor was speaking on one of the spiritual disciplines. I was surprised as we have been in the book of Matthew for almost a year now. It was an amazing sermond and made me reflect a lot today.
Upon reflecting, I have come to the conclusion that I do not do solitude very well. I hate being alone, however, I do socially isolate myself. My social isolation is used more to escape than to be solitary. I would rather be around somebody at all times - it keeps me from thinking and processing through things. However, I really need to work on being alone and focusing on Christ.
The last time I can really say that I enjoyed being alone was when I lived in Phoenix, Arizona. I lived down there for 6 months. For the first 3 months of my time, I spent much of it alone. I did a lot of reflecting and spent a lot of time just walking or swimming. It really helped to prepare me for being married, as I learned a lot about myself and enjoyed the single life.
However, during the past two years, I have struggled with being alone. If I could, I would have somebody around at all times. I don't like going anywhere or doing anything alone. I hate silence and would rather have the television on for noise - just so I don't think about things and wait upon the Lord.
Also, during this past year, I have not allowed my wonderful husband to have alone time. I want to know where he is and what he is doing at all times. I think that part of that has to do with his accident and the fact that I have become overprotective. However, part of it is that I just don't want him to disappear on me. It is an underlying fear that I have that if I allow him some time of solitude, that he will enjoy it too much and leave.
So, what is the conclusion from this sermon and how has it affected my heart. Well, first of all, I need to take at least 15 minutes a day spending time alone. If that means I ask my husband to watch our daughter while I go for a walk, then that is what I do. If I have to set the timer and go outside for 15 minutes while my daughter is taking her afternoon nap, then that is what I have to do. I also need to allow my husband time to spend alone. Time to get away from the business and chaos of life to spend time waiting on the Lord.
15 minutes is doable. Therefore, it is a good place for me to start. I will let you know how it goes. I now know that the Lord wants us to spend time alone, waiting upon him. It is now just trusting and listening to Him.
Jeremiah 20:10-11This is God's Word on the subject: "As soon as Babylon's seventy years are up and not a day before, I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
1 comment:
Steph- I REALLY enjoyed the sermon on Sunday as well. I, too, am quite the "hitler" when it comes to managing my husbands time sometimes. If he is quiet, I want to know what he is thinking. If he goes on a walk, I want to be there. But the truth is, he needs alone time and so do I. Time where the radio isn't blaring and I am not on the phone and Ryan is sleeping or with Phil. Its not easy, because like you, I enjoy distraction (and as Americans we are famous for being efficient at this!) I wonder how it would affect my spiritual life if I were to do this? Hmm...maybe I will take on your challenge, too.
Thought, too, reading about the whole social isolation thing- do you think that we also, by not having solitude and time to commune with God, that we socially isolate ourselves from Him? Like, yes, your spirit is in my body but we aren't really "connecting". I am not really being "honest" with Him about where I am at. Again, another thing we Americans are great at.
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