Precious pictures 2

Daddy and Blessing carving a pumpkin...Mommy, it is so cold and slimy!

Look at me...I'm so adorable!

Blessing playing in the rain on vacation! She had a ball scooping muddy rocks in the water!

What a great painter Blessing is! Thanks for your help!

Blessing with her caterpiller cake for her 2 year birthday.

Precious Pictures

Blessing and Joy sitting together. Blessing loves Joy so much!

Tummy time for Joy! Look at how strong I am getting!


Blessing and Joy hugging. Joy sure doesn't know what to think of big sister!


Look mommy, Joy is sleeping in my arms. So precious!


Joy taking a nap on her tummy.

Reflections

I know - you are probably thinking "finally, a post!" Well, I have been reflecting on what I wanted to post and how I wanted to post it for about 5 months now. Every time I think I am going to have a chance to post, either my 2 year old needs something, my now 4 month old needs somthing, or my wonderful husband needs something.

So, what is different tonight....My two year old is in bed. My 4 month old is sleeping, I think. And, my husband fell asleep putting my 4 month old to bed. So, I have picked up the house from a crazy weekend, and am now making and taking the time to update.

So, since the last time I posted, we have had a baby. She was born on July 7th. We will call her Joy for the purpose of the blog. She is completely different than Blessing. Joy actually sleeps - well most of the time. She is in that stage now where she doesn't want to miss a thing. She is our little cuddle bug. She will sit with you for hours and cuddle and coo. I will post some pictures - so enjoy!

But, for the real reason for this post....

This fall has been a time of reflecting for me. Besides being extremely hormonal and emotional from having a baby, this fall has affected me in many ways.

I can not begin to tell you how blessed we are with our children. Just 3 years ago, on this date, I knew something was funny. I took a pregnancy test and discovered that we were expecting our first baby. I was in the middle of my second year of teaching at a public school, my husband was working 60 to 80 hours a week for a local farmer, and our marriage was falling apart. I did NOT want to add kids into the mix. Even though my husband and I vowed to never get a divorce, our marriage was heading south. I truly believe in my heart of hearts that God took my husbands hand to save us. Anyway, I found out I was pregnant and cried and cried and cried. I was sicker than sick (for all 9 months) and really didn't want to have any kids. I had just lost 50 pounds and was beginning to feel fabulous about myself and how I looked. However, God had a different plan...

Over the next couple of months, he helped me to accept that I was pregnant. However, I still didn't "want" the baby. I found out I was no longer going to be employed at the public school come the next school year and was devastated. How was I supposed to be a stay at home mom....How was I supposed to care for this baby that I didn't even want...How was I....How was I...How was I...

The list went on and on. And, time continued to pass.

Today, three years later, I can honestly say that I do not know what I would do without my 2 year old. Yes, she is a challenge somedays, but she is a miracle sent from God. She helped to save our marriage (along with a special group of women that I met about a month after having her). She has taught me patience, tolerance, how to love, how to cherish, joy, and hope. As I sit and rock her at night, some nights I don't want to put her into bed - I just want to hold her all night and thank God for the miracle of kids. She is growing into such a beautiful little girl on the inside. It has been truly amazing to watch her change and develop...I am looking forward to what the future holds.

With the addition of a second child, I was scared. What if I didn't love the second baby as much as I had learned to love the first? What if I couldn't take care of the second baby? What if the second baby was just as demanding as the first? What if...What if...What if...

Once again, the list went on and on. However, the addition of a second child has changed me yet again. Yes, I am still the same woman, but at the same time, subtle things have changed. The love in my heart has multiplied. The time that I spend cherising my two kids has changed. The joy in my heart has increased. The time that I spend making the house into a comfortable home for my family has also increased and the things that I value have changed as well.

I would not go back to having only one kid, and I definitely would NEVER go back to having no kids. The addition of children to our family has been a challenge. It is a challenge I am glad to face every day. Even though it is frustrating to have to discipline Blessing, for Joy to be fully dependent on me, to take care of the house and garden and kids and finances and..., and to be a wife of a loving husband, I thank God every day. Each obstacle that is placed in front of me helps me to become a stronger woman of God. Each challenge placed in front of me helps to develop character. It is my prayer that I will be able to someday help other women and families that are dealing with similar situations. It is my prayer that God will use me one day to serve others and to make a difference in others lives. I am trusting that I am not going through what I am going through for nothing - there truly is a plan for my life.

Finally, on this anniversary of discovering our lives would be changed forever, I just want to thank two special women who have helped me to be a good mom.

To my mom-in-law - Thank you for loving me unconditionally, even when I was failing at being a good wife for your son. Thank you for your support and encouragement when things are tough. Thank you for allowing me to marry your son and for accepting me as your daughter. I love you!

To my best-friend - Thank you for helping me to be a better mom and wife. Thank you for encouraging me every Wednesday when things are tough. Thank you for the Godly perspective that you provide and for challenging me on making my house a home and serving my family. You are an amazing wife, mom, and friend. Your encouragement is priceless and words will never thank you enough! I love you my dear sister-in-Christ!

God is good and provides even when times are tough. He has given me two kids that help me to appreciate the little things in life - from the wire worm crawling on the floor to egg shell in my baked goods.

What a change in my heart from 3 years ago when I didn't even want kids in my life...Thank you God for blessing me and changing me!

Invisible Woman

Tonight, I just feel plain defeated. I feel as if my job makes no difference, that being a mom and a wife isn't recognized and the work that I do isn't appreciated. Then, I had an e-mail come from a good friend of mine who married a man with children and in her mid 30's, became a grandma. Her e-mail lifted my spirits and has given me a rejuvinated reason for being a wife and a mother. Enjoy...

Invisible Mother.....It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on thephone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this ? Can you tie this?Can you open this??

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30,please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!?

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of afriend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sittingthere, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package and said, 'I brought you this.'

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals -we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it. And the workman replied,'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing tosacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to hisf riend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Springtime pictures

Just a few pictures to update you on how our daughter is growing! She is getting so tall and acting more like a kid and less like a baby. It is amazing to hear her talk and to watch her change every day. Today, she climbed up on the rocking chair in her bedroom during naptime and reached the lotion and a couple of other things off of a high shelf. We had no idea she could reach those by standing on the chair. My, oh my, how she is growing! The determination she has is so strong! What a personality! Enjoy the pictures and look back on previous posts to really she how she has changed.

Giving Kirby a hug!

Hey mommy, look at me! Climbing on the steps and the railing.

HELLO?!? Anybody there?

Mommy, this is so yummy! Snitching leftover cookie dough after making cookies!

Springtime fun and more

What a few weeks we have had! When you finally think that Spring is here, the cold decides to come back again. Last week alone we had 3 inches of rain! We have about an inch plus in our basement with no way to get it out - the drains are all clogged....oh, the joys of being homeowners with no landlord to run to....I wouldn't trade it for anything though!

Three weeks ago, I had a Pampered Chef show to do down in the southern part of the state. I left home at around 10 am and didn't get back until around 5. It was a long day. On my way home, I stopped at the local grocery store about 5 miles from where we live. By the time I arrived there, my head was pounding and I was not feeling well at all. But, we needed milk, so I stopped and kept my husband from leaving the house again with our daughter. Anyway, I went in and picked up a few groceries. When I came out, I climbed into the car and reached in my coat pocket and pulled out what I thought was keys and went to start the car. The car wouldn't start, so I looked down at what I had in my hand and found that I was holding a binki. A car won't start with a binki. Anyway, I chuckled and came home and dared to tell my husband the story...he laughed and said you have to write about this one.....I will say, you know you are a mommy when you try to start your car with a binki!

On that same Saturday, Mr. Tall and Blessing went on a truck ride on gravel roads and dug approximately 14 cedar trees from the ditches. On our property, we have several old old trees that have not been properly taken care of. And with winters seeming to get colder and longer each and every year, we want to get a wind break started. So, he dug the trees, put them in pots, and came home. We planted them the next Saturday (one week ago) along with 2 other trees we picked up. We purchased the other trees from the DNR/Alliant Energy for approximately 1/3 of the cost of what they would have been from a garden store or nursery. It is a program that the energy company puts on...each family can get two trees at this price one time a year....Operation ReLeaf. It is a great program and allowed us to plant the trees.

The day that we planted the trees, it was cold, windy, and very wet and muddy. We dug the holes and as we were digging them and moving dirt from one hole to another (we dug out an old fire pit and filled it in with dirt and the sod) Blessing climbed into the muddy hole and started playing. I was too slow with the camera, but did get a picture of Blessing, Daddy, and Kirby with the newly planted Swamp White Oak. We vowed to plant a tree for each kid that we have, so the Swamp White Oak is Blessing's. We also planted a Sugar Maple on the east side of our property which is our tree for the baby coming this summer. So, both our our kiddos are covered!

Along with planting trees, we have planted asparagus. I love asparagus and look forward to it each and every spring. Mr. Tall and Blessing will even eat it when I prepare it on the grill with butter and garlic pepper. I can taste it now! Anyway, it was a beautiful, warm day, and I was in the mood to get the roots planted that we had had for a week. I didn't want them to go bad before we got them planted. So, I started working on digging the trench - an 18 inch deep trench that was about 10 feet long. I worked and worked and wondered where Mr. Tall was. He ended up having to work late, and when he got home I was completely exhausted. We went inside and had supper followed by putting Blessing to sleep. Then, Mr. Tall and I went back outside and finished planting the asparagus. Yes, we set up a flood light and dug away until we had enough trench and enough length to get all 20 plants planted. Inside the 18 inch trench goes 6 inches of compost (we used old barn manure), 6 inches of loose soil, and then the asparagus roots followed by 2 inches of soil. What a process! I can't wait for two years to pass so we can eat some home grown asparagus! What a treat!

Finally, I want to tell you about tonight. Our house has been extremely cold as we have ran out of propane (or are extremely close to running out). As a result, we treat Blessing to a warm bath every night followed by cuddling in her pajamas and a nice warm bed. Tonight, was different. We gave her a bath and then took her upstairs and got her dressed. She then had a blast playing in her closet in her room. She would open up the door, tell Mr. Tall and I good-bye and see you later and then close the door. She would immediately open it and run to us and give each of us a kiss before running back to the closet and waving good-bye again. This went on for about 20 minutes. Mr. Tall and I were getting so many kisses we couldn't stop her to put her to bed, as she doesn't usually give out kisses and hugs very freely. I think she gave out about 20 kisses between the two of us....what a huge warm fuzzy. We then cuddled and she went to bed with five blankets over her!

What a great time we have been having this spring. Yes, a lot of work with cleaning up the property, cutting down trees, planting trees and asparagus, picking up rocks, picking up sticks, and just general maintenance! But, it is so much fun to be able to work and not worry about what the landlord will say! What a blessing it is to have a little girl that loves to be outside and enjoys playing in the water, mud, rocks, and grass. What a blessing it is to have a roof over our heads, walls to protect us from the wind, and clothes to go on our backs. Yes, times are rough, but one must remember all the blessings and good things that God is providing! I don't know where I would be without the Lord - definitely not positive, happy, and where I am today!

Thank you Jesus!!!

Springtime Changes

Yes, it is officially Spring, according to the calendar! However, it isn't necessarily springtime according to the weather and weatherman. Right now, one day we will have beautiful mid 50's with a light breeze and sunshine and the next day we will have 4 inches of snow! It is absolutely crazy. Things will soon match up - seasons and weather - it is just a matter of time!

As the weather became warmer and the snow was melting, puddle after puddle formed. What does a toddler enjoy doing, especially our beautiful girl that loves the outdoors, jumping in puddles! On the nice days that we had, I took Blessing outside and we would walk around our property and explore. When we found puddles, Blessing would immediately start jumping and splashing in them! She would end up muddy and wet and cold, but it was well worth the fun playtime! Even our dog would enjoy getting involved in the puddle splashing - usually just enough to get a drink of water and then take off again. He never let Blessing push him over and get him wet though - which was a very good thing!

On one particular spring day, we were anxious to be planting our garden. We decided where our gardens were going to be, and instead of pulling all of the weeds, we decided to burn the garden off. We really enjoyed the ability to be outside and start preparations for spring and summertime gardening. We can't wait for fresh produce! However, the day after we burnt the ground off, we had a cold snap and 4 inches of snow - not exactly encouraging when you want to plant a garden. A few days later, we were back to the mid 50's. Old man winter just wants to keep hanging on even though we are ready for Spring. Spring come soon!

This last picture just shows the curls on the top of Blessing's head that mysteriously arrived

yesterday. We gave her a bath the night before and when she woke up, she had the curls on the top of her head. We washed her hair and combed it last night and this morning, she still worke up with curls on teh top of her head. What a surprise!

Finally, our baby girl made the jump from crib to big girl bed. We were a little nervous about putting her in her big girl bed, but knew that we had to to allow her time to adjust before the new baby comes in July. So, daddy put the bed together yesterday and she took a nap in it yesterday afternoon. Come last night, it was my turn to put her to bed. Our normal routine is to go upstairs, get pajamas on, and then rock for awhile before going to bed. Well, last night, the first night in her big girl bed, she got dressed and then crawled into bed without rocking. She wanted mommy to rock in the chair and not leave right away, but when she was ready to go to sleep, she said "nigh nigh" and shooed me out! I came downstairs with tears in my eyes and talked with Mr. Tall. Our baby girl is growing up. It is so unbelieveable that it has been almost two fabulous years.

What a time of changes - both outside and inside! Enjoy spring and every second you have with your kids and grandkids! Time sure flies when you are having fun!