I know - you are probably thinking "finally, a post!" Well, I have been reflecting on what I wanted to post and how I wanted to post it for about 5 months now. Every time I think I am going to have a chance to post, either my 2 year old needs something, my now 4 month old needs somthing, or my wonderful husband needs something.
So, what is different tonight....My two year old is in bed. My 4 month old is sleeping, I think. And, my husband fell asleep putting my 4 month old to bed. So, I have picked up the house from a crazy weekend, and am now making and taking the time to update.
So, since the last time I posted, we have had a baby. She was born on July 7th. We will call her Joy for the purpose of the blog. She is completely different than Blessing. Joy actually sleeps - well most of the time. She is in that stage now where she doesn't want to miss a thing. She is our little cuddle bug. She will sit with you for hours and cuddle and coo. I will post some pictures - so enjoy!
But, for the real reason for this post....
This fall has been a time of reflecting for me. Besides being extremely hormonal and emotional from having a baby, this fall has affected me in many ways.
I can not begin to tell you how blessed we are with our children. Just 3 years ago, on this date, I knew something was funny. I took a pregnancy test and discovered that we were expecting our first baby. I was in the middle of my second year of teaching at a public school, my husband was working 60 to 80 hours a week for a local farmer, and our marriage was falling apart. I did NOT want to add kids into the mix. Even though my husband and I vowed to never get a divorce, our marriage was heading south. I truly believe in my heart of hearts that God took my husbands hand to save us. Anyway, I found out I was pregnant and cried and cried and cried. I was sicker than sick (for all 9 months) and really didn't want to have any kids. I had just lost 50 pounds and was beginning to feel fabulous about myself and how I looked. However, God had a different plan...
Over the next couple of months, he helped me to accept that I was pregnant. However, I still didn't "want" the baby. I found out I was no longer going to be employed at the public school come the next school year and was devastated. How was I supposed to be a stay at home mom....How was I supposed to care for this baby that I didn't even want...How was I....How was I...How was I...
The list went on and on. And, time continued to pass.
Today, three years later, I can honestly say that I do not know what I would do without my 2 year old. Yes, she is a challenge somedays, but she is a miracle sent from God. She helped to save our marriage (along with a special group of women that I met about a month after having her). She has taught me patience, tolerance, how to love, how to cherish, joy, and hope. As I sit and rock her at night, some nights I don't want to put her into bed - I just want to hold her all night and thank God for the miracle of kids. She is growing into such a beautiful little girl on the inside. It has been truly amazing to watch her change and develop...I am looking forward to what the future holds.
With the addition of a second child, I was scared. What if I didn't love the second baby as much as I had learned to love the first? What if I couldn't take care of the second baby? What if the second baby was just as demanding as the first? What if...What if...What if...
Once again, the list went on and on. However, the addition of a second child has changed me yet again. Yes, I am still the same woman, but at the same time, subtle things have changed. The love in my heart has multiplied. The time that I spend cherising my two kids has changed. The joy in my heart has increased. The time that I spend making the house into a comfortable home for my family has also increased and the things that I value have changed as well.
I would not go back to having only one kid, and I definitely would NEVER go back to having no kids. The addition of children to our family has been a challenge. It is a challenge I am glad to face every day. Even though it is frustrating to have to discipline Blessing, for Joy to be fully dependent on me, to take care of the house and garden and kids and finances and..., and to be a wife of a loving husband, I thank God every day. Each obstacle that is placed in front of me helps me to become a stronger woman of God. Each challenge placed in front of me helps to develop character. It is my prayer that I will be able to someday help other women and families that are dealing with similar situations. It is my prayer that God will use me one day to serve others and to make a difference in others lives. I am trusting that I am not going through what I am going through for nothing - there truly is a plan for my life.
Finally, on this anniversary of discovering our lives would be changed forever, I just want to thank two special women who have helped me to be a good mom.
To my mom-in-law - Thank you for loving me unconditionally, even when I was failing at being a good wife for your son. Thank you for your support and encouragement when things are tough. Thank you for allowing me to marry your son and for accepting me as your daughter. I love you!
To my best-friend - Thank you for helping me to be a better mom and wife. Thank you for encouraging me every Wednesday when things are tough. Thank you for the Godly perspective that you provide and for challenging me on making my house a home and serving my family. You are an amazing wife, mom, and friend. Your encouragement is priceless and words will never thank you enough! I love you my dear sister-in-Christ!
God is good and provides even when times are tough. He has given me two kids that help me to appreciate the little things in life - from the wire worm crawling on the floor to egg shell in my baked goods.
What a change in my heart from 3 years ago when I didn't even want kids in my life...Thank you God for blessing me and changing me!
Daddy and Blessing carving a pumpkin...Mommy, it is so cold and slimy!
Look at me...I'm so adorable!
Blessing playing in the rain on vacation! She had a ball scooping muddy rocks in the water!
What a great painter Blessing is! Thanks for your help!
Blessing with her caterpiller cake for her 2 year birthday.
